If you get off course from your mission, vision, or goal just one or two degrees, no big deal. If you get off course one degree every day for 90 days, now you are completely off course and this changes your direction and ultimately your destiny. That’s why I so often say that life is not about perfection but about course correction.
When you significantly off course, that is what I refer to in my book, Stop Workplace Drama as the integrity gap. The integrity gap always equals some sort of drama: personal drama or workplace drama. On the personal level it’s called cognitive dissonance. In the workplace the integrity gap can be identified as a loss of trust, or a level of confusion among the team. In other words, the walk and the talk are out of sync.
Why You Get Off Course
Perhaps the biggest distraction to your goals is what I refer to as rescuing on the drama triangle. The reality is sometimes you get off course because you are more invested in getting agreement or understanding, MORE than you are committed to doing what you really need to do.
Think about the times you tried to set a boundary and it didn’t work. The reason it didn’t work is because someone got upset with your boundary and you spent energy trying to make sure they were “all right” with your boundary instead of enforcing the boundary to help you move forward.
Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working
The problem is, most of the time when you set boundaries, others who were previously stepping over the boundary will not like or support your new boundary, even when they tell you they will, and even when they originally agree with your new idea, policy or rule. (This is as true of employees when you set a new policy as it is when you tell your ki
ds you will no longer tolerate coming in at 2:00 am without some sort of punishment.)
In my other book, Success is a Given, I talk about the five levels of the Guilt Trip Trap. We get trapped at level
The Tool for Transformation (skill) is to learn how to let other people do their own emotional work instead of rescuing them. When you rescue, you end up going to the island called “Making Sure Everyone Else Understands” rather than staying on course. When you let someone else do their own emotional work, it means you are willing to let them deal with their own frustrations instead of trying to fix them. If you want to learn more about setting boundaries, I highly suggest the LABOR Principles CD’s. four. We set a boundary and then get mad at someone who gets mad at us because they don’t like the boundary. This is what creates workplace conflict, or relationship drama. We have to get to level 5 where we are clear of the mission and are willing to set a boundary even when others don’t necessarily understand.
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